Stop Borrowing Energy From Tomorrow | Love Letters

A Love Letter About Capacity, Recovery, and the Cost of Always Saying Yes

Dear Grown Me,

I am tired.

Not the cute kind of tired that can be fixed with one good night of sleep. I am talking about the kind of tired that follows me from one responsibility into the next while I keep promising myself I will rest later.

The problem is that later keeps arriving with responsibilities of its own.

I am more than a week out from my Nashville girls’ trip, and my body is still looking for the rest it thought was coming.

Nashville was fun. We laughed, ate, danced, visited museums, changed outfits, made content, and created memories. I am grateful I went.

But Nashville was not a vacation.

It was a trip.

There is a difference.

Nashville gave me laughter, memories, and sisterhood, but making memories still required energy.

A Trip Is Not Always a Vacation

A vacation restores me. A trip may be enjoyable while still requiring planning, movement, schedules, decisions, social energy, and constant transitions.

Nashville required all of that.

There were places to be, things to coordinate, outfits to change, videos to capture, and people to move alongside. I came home with beautiful memories, but I did not come home rested.

What I needed was a vacation after the trip.

What I got was Monday.

Life was waiting for me exactly where I left it.

My regular job was waiting. My children needed me. School responsibilities and meetings were waiting. My mother’s healthcare and appointments still needed attention. There were things happening inside my house, including water damage in the basement from all the rain, and I had to think about repairs and how I was going to pay for them.

If anyone wants to donate a million dollars, I will gladly accept it. I can absolutely put it to use.

But until that generous donor finds me, real life continues to require real energy.

And I was already running low.

The Beautiful Thing That Still Required Me

The beautiful result of planning, producing, problem-solving, and pushing through.

Then there was MsiCandi Movie Night.

We finally did House Party, and it was amazing.

The laughter, the dancing, the energy, the food, the Movie Crew, and the community reminded me why I love doing this. It reminded me that the work matters. I created something people will remember, and I am proud of that.

That joy is real.

So is the exhaustion.

Movie Night did not magically become effortless because I love it. It still required planning, communication, writing, editing, production, setup, hosting, problem-solving, and the physical work of bringing the experience to life.

It filled me emotionally while depleting me physically.

The joy was real. So was the exhaustion.

Another Yes Before I Had Recovered

I was proud to support my friend, but I never stopped to ask what another yes would cost me.

The next day, my friend and Two Hot Chicks co-host, Ms. Mocha, had a red-carpet opportunity connected to a film she appeared in.

She had been asked to do interviews, and she thought of me because I have the camera, understand lighting, know how to capture footage, and know how to edit.

Of course I wanted to support my homegirl.

So I said yes.

I did the red carpet. We captured strong footage, she had her moment, and I am glad I was there for her.

But when I agreed, I did not stop to ask myself the full question.

I asked, Can I do it?

I did not ask, What will doing it cost me?

I did not fully consider that I would be coming directly off Movie Night while still tired from Nashville. I did not pause long enough to think about childcare, equipment, preparation, transportation, standing, filming, social energy, or the recovery I still had not received.

I knew I was capable, so I treated myself as available.

Those are not the same thing.

Where My Accountability Belongs

It would be easy to tell this story as if other people simply ask too much of me.

Sometimes they do.

But in this situation, my friend asked and I said yes.

She did not examine my calendar for me. She did not assess my exhaustion, arrange my childcare, or calculate the energy I would need afterward. That responsibility belonged to me.

People often recognize my ability without knowing my capacity.

They know I can host, film, light, edit, organize, write, produce, improvise, and make something happen. They think of me because I have spent years showing people that I can figure it out.

Part of honoring my capacity is learning when to walk away, slow down, or choose myself.

But possessing a skill does not make me permanently available to perform it.

Supporting someone I love does not require me to ignore my own limits.

And saying yes because I feel loyal does not prevent my body from charging me the full price later.

Why I Have to Stop Borrowing Energy From Tomorrow

I have to stop borrowing energy from tomorrow and expecting my future self to absorb the cost.

This is how I borrow energy from tomorrow.

I use tomorrow’s patience to complete today’s favor.

I use tomorrow’s focus to finish tonight’s editing.

I use tomorrow’s physical strength to push through today’s event.

I make a commitment during one energetic moment, then expect a tired version of me to fulfill it without complaint.

Eventually tomorrow arrives, already carrying children, work, caregiving, bills, appointments, creative goals, and household problems. But I have already spent the energy assigned to it.

Then I become frustrated with myself for being tired, unfocused, or behind.

The truth is that I am not always behind because I am lazy or undisciplined. Sometimes I am behind because yesterday’s version of me spent resources that today’s version of me needed.

Grace means acknowledging that.

Accountability means changing it.

My New Pause Before Yes

I need a pause between the request and my answer.

Before I commit, I need to ask:

• Does this fit my actual schedule?

• What preparation will it require?

• Who will care for my children?

• Will I be paid, supported, or meaningfully benefited?

• What will I have to postpone in order to do it?

• When will I recover?

• Am I saying yes from desire, loyalty, guilt, usefulness, or habit?

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Some opportunities will still be worth the energy.

Some people will still deserve my support.

But a good opportunity can arrive at the wrong time. A worthy request can meet a version of me who does not have anything left to give.

No is not always rejection. Sometimes no is responsible scheduling.

Sometimes no protects the work, family, body, and dreams that already have my yes.

Rest Belongs on the Schedule

Rest cannot continue to survive on whatever time everyone else leaves behind.

I have treated rest like the empty space between obligations.

If nothing else is scheduled, maybe I can rest. If nobody needs me, maybe I can sleep. If the work is finished, maybe I can stop.

But the work is rarely completely finished, and someone almost always needs something.

That means rest cannot survive as leftover time.

Rest has to become one of the commitments.

Recovery after travel belongs on the calendar. Recovery after an event belongs on the calendar. Quiet after a demanding week belongs on the calendar.

If I do not protect that time, the next request will claim it before my body ever receives it.

A Promise to My Future Self

I am learning that caring for myself is also part of the work.

Dear Grown Me,

Being capable of doing something does not mean you have the capacity to do it well and recover from it.

You can love your work and still admit that it exhausts you.

You can support your friends without becoming available for every last-minute request.

You can ask for advance notice.

You can require payment when someone is asking for professional labor.

You can protect time for your children, your home, your creativity, and yourself.

You do not have to spend tomorrow recovering from every promise you make today.

Stop spending tomorrow’s strength on commitments today’s version of you was too tired to decline.

Rest is not the empty space between your obligations.

Rest is one of your obligations.

Put it on the schedule, and stop letting everybody else write over it.

Rest is not the empty space between my obligations. Rest is one of my obligations.

With love,

Me